


Serenity

by notfreyja, Straight_Outta_Hobbiton



Series: Dealing With James T. Kirk (The Unofficial Starfleet Manual) [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Found Family, Murder, Revenge, Tarsus IV, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-08-14 16:50:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8021605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notfreyja/pseuds/notfreyja, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Straight_Outta_Hobbiton/pseuds/Straight_Outta_Hobbiton
Summary: Number One does not like people. It could even be argued that she hates them. James Kirk, however, she can tolerate.(Number One's side of the story in Doubt The Stars.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I heard you guys wanted more of our favorite first officer.
> 
> This can be read as a stand alone, however, it will contain scenes from the entire Doubt The Stars story arc, and will probably make a lot more sense if you read that series first.

Contrary to popular belief, Number One does not hate children. In fact, she finds them more tolerable than most adults she knows. They don’t know what passes as proper, they have no filter, and have a natural gift for saying the worst thing at the best times.

 

She can sympathize.

 

Babies, however, are the agents of a dark, sadistic force.

 

So when Winona Kirk beams aboard with her children without any prior warning, Number One understands three things instantaneously. First, the kids are here to stay. Second, George Samuel will not be a bother to her at all. Third, and most importantly, James Tiberius Kirk will be her personal torturer.

 

Sometimes she hates being right.

  
  


*.*

  
  


The day Jimmy learns to run, all hell breaks loose. It was bad enough to watch him toddle precariously close to hissing pressure valves and sparking equipment, but when Number One walks into engineering only to have a golden haired mass of baby fat ram into her at top speed. He bounces off her legs, skidding back a foot before losing his battle with inertia and falling on his back. She braces herself for the screaming, but it never comes.

 

“Hi!” He’s just a grinning mess of skinned knees and gap teeth.

 

She crouches down, pulling him back to a standing position. “Hello, Jimmy. Do you know me?”

 

The child shakes his head, showing no stress at the appearance of a stranger.

 

“I am Number One.”

 

“Okay!”

 

Apparently satisfied, he clumsily spins and dashes back off and almost straight into a power coupling. She moves to intervene, but a nearby engineer is faster. He picks Jimmy up under his shoulders, turns him around and sets hims free to bolt off again in a new trajectory. He does this all without a hint of stress.

 

Interesting.

 

She locates Winona without undue hassle and begins receiving the update she had come her for. But amid all the technical jargon Number One cannot help but watch Jimmy out of the corner of her eye. He seems to be pinballing around the engine room. Various engineers either turning him or just casually sticking out arms and legs for him to bounce off of. After witnessing Syruk nudging him away from an open panel without once looking away from his tasks, Number one realizes that this is a practiced and synchronized routine.

 

It is uncertain whether this is a comfort or cause for further concern. Either way, the child is not her problem.

 

On her way out she is barrelled into once more, this time from behind, her knees almost buckling on impact.

 

“Numer Un!”

 

She disentangles his arms from her legs and turns to face the child.

 

“Yes, chid?”

 

He reaches into his pocket with almost comical seriousness and holds out a 4 inch screw as though it is some prized relic. “You’re my fend now.”

 

“I am your friend?”

 

He nods excitedly, practically thrusting his hand at her.

 

She takes the screw and tucks it into her own pocket. “Thank you, Jimmy.”

 

Satisfied, he scrambles off again.

 

It appears Number One is now a toddler’s friend.

  
That is acceptable.


	2. Chapter 2

When Number One sees Jimmy Kirk outside of engineering for the first time, she is not surprised. The child is a hurricane— unpredictable, uncontainable, and fast. What she is surprised by, however, is his inefficient method of transport.

 

She watches as he waits for another person to walk up to a door, therefore triggering the motion sensor, and slips in behind hem. This means that he is moving slowly, and his chances of getting to wherever it is he must go in a timely manner are slim.

 

He can do better than that.

 

She stalks over to him and grabs his arm without warning, tugging him in the direction of the nearest sanitations compartment.

 

“Numer One!” He’s practically running to keep up with her. She debates slowing her pace for a moment, but decides against it. Exercise is good for children, she has been told. “What you doing?”

 

“What  _ are  _ you doing?”

 

He sighs. “What’re you doing?”

 

“Helping.”

 

He frowns confusedly up at her as she reaches her destination, releasing his arm from her grip. She stares back impassively.

 

“Do you know why you cannot open the doors, Jimmy?”

 

He nods, then in a tone far too solemn for someone so young, responds, “Short.”

 

He is indeed an intelligent child. Perhaps his presence on her ship will not be as bothersome as she initially thought.

 

“Yes, you are too short for the motion sensor. Do you know what you need?”

 

He grins. “Somethin’ tall… that moves! Like grownups!”

 

“Indeed.”

 

Number One presses the release and the storage compartment opens, revealing brooms and mops and a whole plethora of highly toxic cleaning chemicals that, in hindsight, she maybe should not be giving the toddler access to. Too late now.

 

He’s either smart enough not to drink bleach, or social darwinism will run its course. She can handle the wrath of Lieutenant Commander Kirk.

 

“Figure something out.”

 

She stalks off without another word. And if she happens to see James using a mop to trip the motion sensor a few hours later, she says nothing. To speak would be to admit guilt, or even worse, pride.

 

Neither suit her very well.

  
  


*.*

  
  


Nearly a month later, she finds Jimmy outside the door to her quarters at 0530. She does not know how he escaped his family’s quarters, nor how he navigated to her own, but he has done it nonetheless.

 

“I need help.”

 

James apparently requires assistance, and came to he instead of his own mother, or even older brother. Curious.

 

“With what?”

 

“I wanna go on the bridge!”

 

There’s so much excitement in his eyes, so much energy in his voice, and she knows what denying his request will do. It will make him sad, make him lose some of that bounce in his step that she can never admit to finding endearing. It may even make him like her less. That would be a loss of a potentially valuable puppet down the line.

 

She shrugs. “Fine. But be quiet, and don’t touch anything.”

 

Number One leads him to the lift, and he follows along, skipping by her side and holding her hand.

 

It is not unpleasant.

  
  


*.*

  
  


Number One see’s Christopher the following afternoon, and he’s fuming. She knows why. It is not the fact that James got onto the bridge in the dead of night, but the mystery of how it was accomplished. She can see how her Captain is fretting about possible havoc the child could get into at any hour of the day now that he can operate the turbolift. 

 

She knows it would be a relief for him to discover that Jimmy can not operate the lift after all. It would be less of a cause for concern if he knew their youngest passenger had assistance. In fact, if she so chose, she could end the entire mystery for him. But she does not say a single word on the matter.

 

It’s fun to watch him squirm.

  
  


*.*

  
  


When Chris turns up in her quarters after Reagan III, Number One is not surprised by any of the details of the diplomatic disaster Kirk caused. In fact, it is quite humerous. After all, he did not kill the plant, merely denied a generation the sight they have been looking forward to their entire lives. She thinks of all the botanist all over the Federation crying for the brilliant bloom they will never see and she almost smiles.

 

Almost.

  
  


*.*

  
  


The Water Main Incident, as it has already come to be called, only three days after the fact, is almost completely under control. Winona estimates it’ll take another three hours for everything to be put back to rights, and then they can head to the nearest starbase for suddenly much needed repairs.

 

Chris has never been a more violent shade of orange. It is most amusing.

 

Amusing enough that Number Ones does not even think to track Jimmy down to scold.

  
  


*.*

  
  


James Kirk is going down to Vulcan.

 

James Tiberius  _ trainwreck of a human being even at age four  _ Kirk is beaming down to the most formal, stiff, and proper planet in the Federation.

 

The ship springs up a betting pool overnight. Variables include, but are not limited to: deaths, trade agreement damages, destruction of property, theft, and her personal favorite, making a Vulcan show emotion.

 

So when she sets her money on mission success with no harm to either person nor property, the Ensign keeping house looks at her like she’s crazy. And more intensely than crewmembers usually do.

 

When the away team returns entirely unscathed everyone is to some degree surprised. But not Number One.

 

She had words with James before they left. He was promised half the money if he behaved. But if the crew wants to assume it was some sort of miracle or premonition on her part, well…

 

Number One never protests data in her favour.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s barely a week after they leave Vulcan when they lose James for the first time. And Number One truly does mean  _ lose. _ Teams scour the ship from top to bottom, turning up nothing but an alarmingly impressive lost and found of tools, books, and - her personal favorite - a bra (how a bra got itself into the least accessible jefferies tube of the ship was hilariously obvious).

 

But no Jimmy.

 

She’s just starting to panic when the announcement goes out, ship-wide.

 

“We found him.” Chris had the gift of sounding like he was rubbing his eyes. “Thank you to all of the search teams for giving up your free time. We all appreciate it. Dismissed.”

 

Number One sighs. Panic? Over a child that wasn’t even her own? She really was getting soft. She needed a good fight.

 

The Captain continued, “Oh and Number One? Bridge.”

 

She rolled her eyes at thin air. Pike has always had a flair for the dramatic. He was making her go all the way to the bridge just to receive orders he could have easily just comm’d her. And it wasn’t like he was going to tell her anything she didn’t know already.

 

It would not be bragging to say that Number One was the best interrogator outside of Section 31, easy. She may even be the best in the entire ‘Fleet, but since no one ever got to see 31 in action, it was merely an unproven theory.

 

For now.

 

Regardless, she knows without doubt that her Captain wants to find out exactly what the youngest Kirk had been up to and how he did it.

 

This won’t take long.

  
  


*.*

  
  


In the end, the truth spills from Jimmy almost a little too quickly.

 

She needs to teach him how to lie.

 

But first things first, she must teach him how to navigate in his own environment. It makes sense that he should get lost upon wandering into the ventilation system. He was only four after all.

 

Yet no child of hers should ever allow themselves to get lost, let alone in their own home. And since she recognizes that Jimmy will not be stopped from climbing through the walls now that he is aware that he can, it is only logical to properly equip him to avoid further embarrassment.

 

So she gives him the ship schematics and sends him on his way. She’ll think of some well-phrased tale for Christopher to give to the brass.

 

Number One smirks quietly to herself. She has earned James’ trust even more today. And Christopher will know instantly that she was once again telling merely a partial truth. Oh how she lives to torment him.

 

Today has been a good day.

 

...Wait.

 

Did she just call James her child?

 

No. That simply would not do. Number One  _ will _ remain detached from that child even she has to personally throw him out of the airlock to do it.

 

People are a weakness are a weakness she could not afford, especially not a vulnerable, all too trusting child.

  
  


*.*

  
  


Nearly a year passes. Number One watches from a distances as Jimmy’s expeditions through the walls of the ship grow bolder, more confident. Disasters come few and far between with the aid of the schematics she gifted him with.

 

Things were going so smoothly in fact that she was able to put a little more distance between herself and the child.  _ The  _ child.  _ Winona’s _ child.

 

Everything is fine.

 

And then James gets himself stuck in the matter-antimatter reactor.

 

He lives. And it’s fine. But it’s been years since she was even close to this stressed. It might be time to admit she may be emotionally invested in this child.

 

Going by the level of adrenaline pumping through her system, she may even love him.

 

_ Shit. _

 

She needs to get a tracker on him. Or twelve. Maybe a bug.

 

She’ll work out the details later.

  
  


*.*

  
  


In the end, it doesn’t matter. Years pass, Jimmy grows both physically and intellectually. The former at a much slower rate than the latter. He never gets lost in the ship again, the reactor taught him his lesson.

 

If he doesn’t know how to get somewhere, he comes to her. If he needs advice, he comes to her. She’s his best friend, maybe.

 

And if he spends more time with her than Winona, Number One doesn’t think too much about it.

 

In fact, everything is damn near perfect.

  
And then Gaila shows up.


	4. Chapter 4

When Jim makes a new friend, the first thing Number One decides to do is study her. Intensely. Jim’s never really made a friend before, besides Ambassador Sarek’s son, and Vulcans are a category all on their own— too stiff and proper to worry about.

 

But this… this  _ Gaila,  _ she is a traumatized victim of the Orion slave trade. Number One has no idea what’s going on in this girl’s head. She is a wild card, one that might not be healthy for James to be around. Yet that is what he seems to wish for, and she has never been good at telling the boy no.

 

But Gaila is tactile and clingy and is calling Pike  _ daddy.  _ Her Captain! A father? Absurd. He can barely remember to feed himself, let alone track the nutritional needs of a malnourished alien prepubescent.

 

It is, frankly absurd.

 

There is a part of her that wishes to ditch their guest at the nearest starbase. She is an orphan, and should be given to the appropriate authorities immediately.

 

Christopher thinks that she is being ‘melodramatic and overprotective of the Kirk child.’ The entire notion is ludicrous.

 

Yet weeks go by and the girl does not seem to cause Jimmy an undue stress. In fact, having a… playmate  seems to do the human child some psychological good. He is closer to having a healthy amount of energy as opposed to practically vibrating with it.

 

She is not entirely sure that she approves. But in the end, her opinion does not matter. As Number One must remind herself with alarming frequency, Jimmy is not her child and she has no authority over who he spends his time with.

 

Spock is a much better companion, though. If Winona were to ask.

  
  


*.*

  
  


Okay, maybe Gaila isn’t all bad. She is much better behaved than James has ever been. And as much as she loves- no,  _ enjoys James’ company  _ \- his constant maelstrom of preteen bullshit can be grating.

 

Not that she would ever change him. His shuttle collision of a personality annoys Christopher, and that pleases her.

 

But having a child around that doesn’t need constant supervision in order to prevent self-fueled implosion or a ship wide catastrophe is a nice change of pace.

 

She can never tell James. He’d think he wasn’t her favorite anymore.

  
  


*.*

  
  


“So you’ve been spying again.”

 

James was waiting for her in her quarters when she got off of duty. Her locked quarters.

 

Clever boy.

 

“Probably.” She toes off her shoes and sits next to him on her bed. “You will have to be more specific.”

 

He rolls his eyes. “On me and Gaila.” His look becomes accusatory. “ _ Mostly  _ Gaila.”

 

“You are correct.”

 

He sighs with a heaviness beyond his years and falls backwards to sprawl across the bed. Dramatic human.

 

“You have a protest to make?”

 

“I just don’t get  _ why _ !”

 

A corner of her mouth curves downwards slightly. “I was merely ensuring that your well being was not under threat, James.”

 

He grabs the back of her dress and tugs sharply, yanking her down to lie beside him. She fixes him with her best glare. He just raises an eyebrow at her, unfazed.

 

“She’s my sister, One. She won’t hurt me. I promise.”

 

Damn it, she believes him.

 

Gaila can stay.

 

Of course, it’s after she decides that when Christopher gets her off the ship. Which would be fine.

 

Except for the fact that the Captain plans to get rid of James as well.

  
  


*.*

  
  


“ _ What have you done? _ ”

 

She all but shouts it, keying his lights to full as soon as she enters the room.

 

Chris jolts awake so quickly he almost falls out of bed. He breathes deep, closes his eyes against the lights and speaks slowly. “Number One, we’ve talked about this. Humans sleep. We need to sleep. And we really don’t like being woken by screaming friends unless there is an actual emergency.”

 

“This is an emergency.”

 

“A ‘Captain needs to be on the bridge’ emergency?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then it can wait until…” Chris checks the time and curses, “after 0300.”

 

“It is 0302. Is that sufficient?”

 

“Number One?”

 

He sounds defeated. Good. “Yes, Captain?”

 

“Let me put some pants on.”

 

This conversation will go far more smoothly if she has him at a social disadvantage. “Why are you evicting James Kirk from the  _ Farragut? _ ”

 

He rubs his eyes. “Jesus Christ, woman, he’s not being  _ evicted! _ ”

 

She cocks her head slightly. “Then what would you call the forced removal of an occupant of this ship without their input or desire?”

 

“Listen…” He sits up, careful to keep his blanket pulled up to his waist. “Yes it was my idea, but Winona agrees. The ship isn’t a healthy environment for a kid.”

 

“His health is adequate.” Number One’s voice is cold.

 

“You know what I mean. He’s not well-adjusted socially. He has no idea how to function outside of a ‘Fleet setting, it’s… it’s just not good for him here, okay?” Chris’ voice softens. “I just want what’s best for the kid. Even if that means we have to say goodbye for a little while.”

 

She does not like this, In fact, she hates it. But she knows her Captain, and she knows when his mind is made. She can read it in the set of his shoulders, in the line of his lips. On this, he will not be swayed.

 

She considers mutiny. Only for a moment, but longer than she should.

 

“Fine. I will accept your authority,  _ Captain. _ ”

 

Number One spits the title as an anathema, turns sharply on her heels, and takes her leave.

  
She has research to do on this Tarsus IV.


	5. Chapter 5

Almost a year passes without Jimmy Kirk.

 

At first, it’s the worst Number One has felt in a long time. Loathe as she is to admit it, even to herself, she misses the brat. At first. By the end of the first three months she’s convinced herself that whatever affection she felt for the child was just an advanced, maternal form of Stockholm Syndrome.

 

Six months in, and she’s basically convinced herself that she never cared about the kid in the first place. After all, he was only human. Yes, he is far more intelligent than the average human male, age not withstanding, but that only goes so far. He is frail, and vulnerable. He laughs too loudly. He cares to quickly and too deeply.

 

All in all, just another superfluous human presence in her life that she would be better off not being concerned with.

 

Now all she has to do is forget about him.

  
  


*.*

  
  


She does a good job of it. Until Winona ruins everything.

 

“Commander, I need to talk to you.” Kirk practically assaults her in the corridor, gripping her arm and tugging so Number One has no choice but to follow or cause a scene. And, according to Christopher, sudden outburst of violence are bad for moral.

 

“Speak, then.”

 

“Not here.”

 

Number One swallows her retort. This could be interesting.

 

It’s not until Kirk drags them all the way back to her quarters that she releases the Commander’s arm.

 

“Are your quarters a suitably private location for this discussion, or are we to take additional measures to prevent eavesdropping, Lieutenant?”

 

Winona sighs, “Listen — “

 

“You should also be aware that I am not the most empathetic of your commanding officers, so if this is of a sensitive nature, as your behavior suggests, then it might be wise to seek an alternative confidant.”

 

“It’s Jimmy.”

 

Number One is not prone to moments of poetry. In fact, she does not frequently employ any figures of Standard speech, even the more rational phrases. Yet, if someone were to ask her what she felt as those two words left the engineers mouth, her only possible response would be that her heart stopped.

 

At her lack of response, Winona plows on. “Amanda Grayson, she contacted me, and well… basically… Okay, it’s a long story but the key points are that James and Spock are bonded and JImmy’s in danger.”

 

Number One blinks, momentarily at a loss for words. Her James had somehow gotten married to a Vulcan. Certainly entertaining. But to be examined at a latter date.

 

“Define danger, Kirk.”

 

“I don’t know. All I know is that it’s  _ bad,  _ Commander.”

 

“I will inform the Captain of our change of heading.”

 

She has been lying to herself for months. Of course she cares for JImmy. Otherwise she would not be feeling this fear. Number One does not approve of fear. It causes people to acts rashly, without thinking. It turns good people cruel. It makes the strong weak. As for her, well…

 

Fear has a way of bringing out the aggression in her blood. 

 

She almost runs to the bridge.

  
  
  


*.*

  
  


Number One marches onto the bridge, barking without greeting, “Pike, you will issue the orders to the crew to retrieve James Kik at once. Delay is unacceptable.”

 

“You do realise that you can’t actually order me to do anything, right?” She is unsure whether that is amusement or annoyance in his voice. She does not have the patience at the moment to humor him either way.

 

“You are correct, Captain. However,  _ you  _ can not prevent me from carrying out a successful mutiny and taking the ship to James’ aid without your consent. It’s just cleaner if you play along.”

 

“Fucking hell, Number One, really? Straight the mutiny threats?”

 

She supposes that is fair. She normally waits until he loses his temper.

  
  


*.*

  
  


In the end, she finds James. Damaged, nearly broken, but alive. She will take her victories where she can find them.

 

She calls the ship, has medical beam to their location. The moment Jimmy is in Fonseca’s arms, his physical well being is no longer her concern. He is safe now. The fear — the numbing, tar-slick fear — is gone. But the rage it spurred from within her remains, now untampered. Someone will burn for this.

 

The only question left is who.

  
  


*.*

  
  


It only takes her forty seven minutes to find the answer.

 

There are three less soldiers for the court to hang, but she does not care. She has a name.

 

Governor Kodos.

 

It takes her nearly fifty eight minutes to find him.

  
She’s slipping.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one gets a little violent folks. If any of you get a little uncomfortable, or want to skip this bit altogether, don't worry, it's only this chapter.

There are two hundred and six bones in the human body. Fragile frame works of ossified calcium that break with even slight force if properly applied. Of those, twenty six are apart of the spinal column. There is a very slim margin for error when shattering vertebra if one wishes to avoid damage to the central nervous system and subsequent paralysis.

 

Number One decides against the risk. She wants Kodos to feel everything.

 

Another twenty two compose the skull. An imperfect fracture can lead to premature death. That would be even more unacceptable than loss of feeling.

 

That leaves her one hundred and fifty eight bones.

 

She start with the phalanges.

 

She counts each one aloud. It would be a shame if she were to miss one and have to start over.

  
  


*.*

  
  


The ribs require far more finesse than the appendicular skeleton. The last thing she wants is for him to drown in his own blood via punctured lung. No. Blood loss is a far more appropriate death.

 

It is with that thought that Number One pauses in her ministrations to locate a suitably sharp blade.

 

She’s never skinned anyone before. This may get sloppy.

  
  


*.*

  
  


She was correct. By the time Kodos finally ceases in his screaming, Number  One is, quite literally, up to her elbows in blood. Human blood, which reeks of metal and sticks like oil, leaving streaks of color even when wiped away.

 

In the end, she burns him. Him, and his entire mansion down to its very foundation.

 

She stands in the yard far longer than she should, the blaze rapidly illuminating the nightscape into a glow nearly as bright as day.

 

She closes her eyes when it gets too harsh, fingers going of their own volition to grasp the old metal screw hanging from her neck. 

 

It’s time to go back to James.

  
  


*.*

  
  


The Captain is waiting for her in the transporter room.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

She glances around the room. They are alone. He must have beamed her up himself, prevented another crewmember from seeing her in this state.

 

When did he come to know her so well?

 

“Why do you ask?”

 

He sighs, shooting her an exasperated glance. “You’re covered in blood, Commander.”

 

“It is not mine.”

 

They stand in silence for approximately thirty four seconds. Before Christopher speaks again. “You’re on leave. Indefinitely.”

 

She is so shocked she nearly sputters. “May I inquire as to why?”

 

“Family emergency.” He smiles at her. It is a kind smile, containing no aura of smugness. “You’ll be reinstated the moment you ask.”

 

He turns and leaves her before she can respond, calling over his shoulder, “Clean up before you go see the kid!”

 

Now that is interesting. Number One has always known that Christopher is a good Captain. She’s disappointed in herself for taking this long to realize that he is, in fact, a good friend.

  
  


*.*

  
  


Medbay chairs are not the most comfortable furniture on the ship. She should look into having that changed.

 

“Those aren’t really good beds, Commander.”

 

Winona. Finally. Although Number One was told Kirk was in to see James shortly after beam up, she has not come since.

 

It has been nearly four days.

 

“How would you know?”

 

She sees her flinch minutely. Good.

 

“Has he woken up?”

 

“Periodically. Never for long.”

 

“Oh.” It’s almost disinterest in her voice. Number One’s mouth twitches minutely. “Well. I —”

 

“Leave.” Number One’s voice is cold, and she turns to look at James again, ignoring the boy’s mother. “I know you do not wish to be here. There is no need to make excuses, just go.”

  
The next time she looks up, Winona is gone.


	7. Chapter 7

“I require physical intimacy.”

 

“Jesus Christ woman, we’ve talked about this.” Christopher is clearly blinded by the sudden flow of light into his previously dark quarters. “You can’t just barge into my room in the middle of the night and — wait,  _ what? _ ” 

 

“You heard me.”

 

She sees him count to ten in his mind before replying. “I did. I was requesting…  _ clarification. _ ”

 

“I see.” The problem is. Number One does not know how to clarify. Not to Christopher, and not even to herself.

 

After a few moments of awkward, silent eye contact, Pike caves. “Okay. Get in.” He slides over on the bed and lifts the covers in a clear invitation.

 

She gingerly lowers herself to a sitting position on the mattress and toes off her shoes. Avoiding any sudden movements, she carefully draws up her legs and slides into place into bed beside her Captain.

 

Not a place she ever saw herself in, honestly.

 

The half foot of space between their bodies is like a physical entity pressed against her back. She can hear Christopher’s breathing, the rustle as he shifts nervously on his side of the bed. Number One begins to count.

 

It takes four minutes and seventeen point six seconds for him to move. He places an arm around her waist and pulls. She ends up with her back pressed to his chest, his knees against the back of hers.

 

“Is this what you meant?” He hasn’t sounded this anxious around her in years.

 

“I believe so.” She sighs, letting her body slowly relax against him. “Lights to zero percent.”

 

They are surrounded by the pitch black of an unlit quarter. And is the best night’s sleep she’s had in a year.

  
  


*.*

  
  


It becomes their nightly ritual. She gets ready for bed in her room, walks through the bathroom into Christopher’s quarters and gets into bed.

 

It takes three days for him to stop questioning her.

 

It takes less than a week for him to just leave his door to the bathroom open for her.

  
  


*.*

  
  


Eighteen days into their new sleeping arrangement, she wakes Christopher with a cup of coffee. He wakes with a smile. But the smile is not aimed at the mug in her hand, but at Number One herself.

 

And that smile ruins her entire world.

 

He’s in love with her. Has been, for how long. she does not know. How could she have been so blind?

 

Humans are so fragile. They love so quickly and get hurt so easily. She has been taking Christopher for granted for almost two decades. He could have died on her hundreds of times in their service together. She could have lost him without ever realizing what they could have.

 

And with the near loss of James so fresh, she can’t stop herself. It just… comes out.

 

“Marry me.”

 

And Pike, that  _ idiot _ he laughs. Just laughs and laughs and laughs until she storms out of the room.

  
  


*.*

  
  


She sleeps in her own quarters that night.

  
  


*.*

  
  


She wakes to the sound of her bathroom door opening. The lights come on, painfully bright against her newly opened eyes, but she does not flinch.

 

The sleep has barely cleared out of her mind before Chris speaks.

 

“Do you want a big wedding? Or more of a quiet ‘sign the papers and move on with our lives’ affair?”

 

“I have not given the matter much thought.”

 

“That’s fine. You just let me know.” He smiles, kisses her and walks away before she can even register what’s happening. “Come on, I want to get breakfast before you see Jimmy.”

 

That strange twisting in her chest is either love, or major organ failure.

  
Fortunately, she’s going to medical anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finishing this piece was so bittersweet, forgive me for procrastinating for so long?
> 
> But don't fret. This isn't the last you'll see of Number One.


End file.
